Azekeil (azekeil) wrote,

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The Amazing Monster Post...

Cor I'm actually getting quite lax at this updating the journal business. I should probably update more regularly instead of providing a huge long indigestible lump. Ah well. I'll try and split it up a bit *grin*

Play (well I would do Work first but Play is definitely more interesting *grin*)

Starting last week.. Monday evening I went round to kissycat1000's on a whim - we had a relaxing time and a good talk. Saw her again on Tuesday lunchtime and ended up there again in the evening to keep her company while Rob was away at a football match (in Carlisle? A day trip? Is he mad? lol!). See her posts about all that :) It was good and relaxing and I got to see lots of her which was great :)

Then on Wednesday I went to Nottingham to meet up with Kerry. Oh boy. However, first I packed everything and stopped off again at kissycat1000's.. yeah yeah I know... well excuse me for having a relationship lol! Waiting for Kerry's txt to tell me when she was arriving in Nottingham was.. entertaining *grin*.

Anyway, arrived finally in Nottingham and met up with Kerry. After getting fairly lost around Nottingham's one way system despite having been there before and remembering where the campsite was, we got the tent set up and went into town and found somewhere to eat and then went on to a pub which had 6 pool tables and a sports screen to play pool and chat. A relaxed evening which saw us both getting progressively drunker. This inevitably built up into a rather large emotional head of steam which was released later that night which kissycat1000 bore the brunt of in a phone call. Frustration at her attitude mainly and just a release. Anyway we eventually decided to discuss it more rationally in the morning and went to bed in the tent in our separate sleeping bags.

The next morning I was coldly and calmly upset with her attitude and was determining to head off back home but got apologised to and talked to by Kerry, making me think she was actually coming to accept things. Kerry did in fact request to speak to kissycat1000 but when it didn't get answered (later found to be an 'administrative cockup' between kissycat1000 and Rob - read: Rob took her phone to work) settled for texting her instead, which was odd but made me feel that she might be coming round to accepting the situation. Feeling a lot more positive I was more affectionate towards her which she found odd. She also made comments about things in a jealous/posessive way which gradually brought me down a bit.

We spent the day getting breakfast, getting clamped but then thankfully released by the chap in the shop who clamped us (I TOLD her we'd get clamped lol!), going shopping and meeting with a friend I met, James, just two weeks previously at the LAN I came to for a drink in the same pub.

More interestingly during the day we bumped into Christina, an old friend of mine from Bath. Now there is some history to this story which makes it very interesting. At the end of my relationship with Kerry (well the official end) Christina was found by Kerry having a drink with me to celebrate the end of our exams. Kerry, being Kerry, couldn't handle me being friends with another girl and threw a complete wobbly, threatened her and left. To cut a long (but interesting) story short I decided I couldn't live with Kerry any more as she was SO jealous, posessive and spiteful that I decided to leave her and promptly did 4 days later having packed etc. I never spoke to or saw Christina again as I now associated her with guilt and unhappiness at splitting up with Kerry. And actually towards the end of the relationship I did start doing some things with Christina that was more than friendship.. possibly as some sort of rebellion for the complete hypocritical way Kerry was treating me and as some sort of escape. Don't get me wrong, I like Christina and think she's a great girl ;)

So, back to the story. As you can imagine, I was a little horrified to be in a random town in England and bump into the girl that caused me to split up with my ex, while I was with my ex. Kerry surprisingly seemed remarkably.. unphased? Or more likely restrained. I felt good because this, if anything, was surely a sign that she had changed somewhat? After a little bit of embarrasing conversation, where I entirely failed to get contact details for her, we went on our own separate ways, after discovering she was studying in Nottingham doing a postgraduate to do with IVF.

I obviously talked to Kerry about it once I'd got over the OH MY GOD! part of it all.. she actually seemed alright about it and said that she almost suggested asking her to come along to the pub with us that night(!). Well there is a turn around if ever I saw one. She even drove me around the various parts of the uni so I could hunt her down and leave her a message..

Anyway that evening James brought along his housemate Leana (sp?) and we all had a good time playing pool and getting to know each other. I remember why I enjoy socialising with Kerry as she gets on well with people and it's good fun :)

Throughout all this time I was sending kissycat1000 txt messages which she appreciated, but by the second evening my phone battery was already low and with no way to charge it I was a bit stuffed. kissycat1000 arranged for us to go and see purrthecat after I realised I had the wrong number for her, which I was grateful for at the time but wasn't able to contact her to thank her for, which I feel bad about. I also wanted to call her when I was happy so that I wasn't just phoning her when I was upset, and because I wanted to hear her voice :) Unfortunately with the phone being flat or close to flat I couldn't do that easily, adding to more discomfort and uneasiness on my part.

Friday morning we went in to town to get various bits for the car, shopping for Kerry having organised the night out throughout the day and realising she needed to buy shoes 'cause she didn't have anything to go out in (women!) and eating generally.

The second bizarre incident happened. I bumped into Cat, a gorgeous petite goth girl who I slept with (once) while I was going out with my ex ex Pix while we were in an open relationship. Confused yet? Lol you will be :)

So.. she and Kerry knew each other and this was much less stressful (and I was getting used to the bizarre meetings by this time anyway). I managed to get.. oh damn! Kerry's still got Cat's number. Hmm.. I'll have to do some careful extrication to get it off her.

Anyway, Cat was with her boyfriend Ian, who I'd met before. It was really odd to see them there. They had just moved there I think, and she had just come back from a trip to China where Kerry and I were planning to go! What amazing coincidences. We invited them to come out to the club in Leicester with us but they were skint and needed sleep before a 7am start the next day to get to Leeds for a long weekend or something. Ah well but it was nice to see them again :)

I remarked to Kerry that it would round things off now if we were to bump into Pix (whom Kerry was indescribably and unjustifiably jealous of - of course). She said don't joke about it - but she'd thought that too.

Going shopping was quite stressful. We got back and made the final arrangements which involved me explaining the outlines of purrthecat's life after it became obvious I wouldn't be able to explain it without telling her a little. Kerry went off in a funny mood again because she didn't want to mix with people who thought like that so we ended up having a discussion about why she should choose to limit herself in that manner. It served to highlight that Kerry was never happy with anything I ever did.

Kerry then also talked about getting off with other people in the club because she wanted to. She asked if it would upset me. I said that doing it out of sight was one thing but rubbing my face in it was just unpleasant and unnecessary. Anyway the conversation wound up that she said I could do the same, I said I wouldn't as I had respect for her feelings and wouldn't do that in front of her. I didn't ask for the same back - if she did I knew where I stood. She's done it before after we split up when she's been drunk and knows how I feel about it.

It's just occured to me after rereading that that I feel differently about say kissycat1000 kissing someone else in front of me and Kerry doing it. I know that kissycat1000 would be doing it for fun whereas Kerry would be doing it for spite to hurt me. I don't think I need to say any more on that subject...

We went to Leicester but went down the wrong road.. I noted the number rather than the fact it was a 4 digit A road I should be following.. the number was most similar to another choice with 3 digits and we went along that for a good while before we realised it must be wrong and called her. Anyway she guided us to her house and arrived late and flustered, having just met new person Andy and their dog Guppy.

purrthecat turned around and said I should call kissycat1000 to arrange tomorrow evening. After the rollercoaster of emotions, feeling under pressure because everyone was heading towards the door, knowing that I was never good on the phone in any case and feeling bad because I'd not been able to get in touch earlier I called kissycat1000 and upset her by hiding her and being offhand. I felt SO bad about that and tried to make up for it by txting her from Kerry's phone later that night. Kerry almost understood.

Well after I had managed to relax (about an hour from the end) I started to enjoy myself, dancing, etc. Kerry seemed to enjoy herself but I think it was drink more than anything. She didn't get off with anyone else but she did kiss me briefly.

The music in the club was a bit... young to start with I suppose. They played some classics later on which was fun.. I wasn't drunk as I was driving so I was careful not to overdo the headbanging and end up with a sore neck for the drive back home the next day. Sheesh I think I must be getting old! Hmmm 25 in August.

We left the club just before two and I was a little anxious that my car might have been towed where I left it but it was still there. I saw the back right door was a little ajar and I thought that was odd.. I hadn't left the door ajar. Then I saw the seat down and the duvet pulled through from the boot and realised it'd been broken into. The bastards. They'd taken the removable front to the stereo, my CDs - all my favourite music, about 16 or so, including two new Tori Amos ones I'd just bought that day and a rare Black Sabbath album TYR (anyone got the CD?), and the company mobile. I wasn't worried about the company mobile. But I now have a useless stereo... wow thanks. I also am kicking myself because I'd always said I was going to copy the CDs and just have the copies in the car because they get scratched or possibly stolen.. and I didn't and now they have. Damn. Oh well.

I think everyone else felt worse about it than I did. We did manage to recover my bag and some other stuff from behind a high wire mesh fence... purrthecat went to fetch her mate Chewy but Kerry climbed over and retrieved it. Ah well.. after tidying up the car we got back in and I drove Andy and purrthecat home. They helped patch up the hole with a plastic bag and some gaffa tape (isn't that stuff great *grin*).

Ahh.. and damn it. The note I left for Christina had my mobile number on it so she won't be able to get in touch with me.. damn. Ah well. At least I had recently copied all the numbers down for working out the phone bill and for when I had to give the phone back anyway so I didn't lose all them.

purrthecat made a post about that night which you can read here.

Got back to the campsite about 3am really knackered and fell asleep. Woke up early at 7:15am with the light, packed up and left while Kerry was still asleep. Managed to roll her on to her other sleeping bags so I could get my cushions back.

Got to my Mum's for about 10ish. Managed to remember Kerry's new mobile number having dialled it lots recently from work to organise the China trip and got the answer phone. Left a message saying I'd got to my Mum's safely and would she ring me when she got the message. She rung up and read out kissycat1000's number without me even having to ask her for it. She asked if that was all I had called up for. I said that I wasn't going to lie of course I wanted the number but at least I could let her know I got back OK. She was still in the campsite.

So I tried the number but it wasn't answered. I then tried online but kissycat1000 wasn't online either. I checked LJ and read what was there. I sent her an email telling her how sorry I was and left my mum's number. Shortly afterwards she called up and we chatted and started sorting things out. I tried to be better on the phone but I hate those damn things SO much. They should be used for organising things only and not conducting a life/relationship over... grrr.

Anyway I then had a shower and went on to my Grandpa's 90th birthday, relatives and stuff. Got asked the usual 'how's your love life' so I told them. That shut them up... hehe :) No seriously I did tell those who asked.. a couple of aunts and cousins. They were a little confused and curious but not close minded, so pretty good.

Got to Bristol eventually for about 7:30pm and set about tidying my room and putting stuff away from the trip.. kissycat1000 got delayed so I was a little surprised when she turned up not a lot later. We spent a relaxing evening together sorting out our feelings about the trip away... I was up 'till about 4am looking after kissycat1000 who felt a bit poorly.

I bought her some flowers - a pot of Roses. A bit unconventional, but then since when have I been conventional? I hate the idea of buying something that dies to symbolise the love you have for someone...

I've never bought flowers for anyone before. Ever. What's going on? lol. I'm glad Rob didn't seem to mind them :)

So this day was really long on only 4 hours sleep.. but it was worth it.

Sunday morning came around and after our talking I decided to call Kerry and tell her I couldn't come with her to China. After all the posessive behaviour and the upset it had caused I decided that I didn't want that in my life - it wasn't the way I wanted to live it any more. I felt bad for doing it at that point in time, after we'd seemingly had a good time there and of course the fact we'd paid for the flights and she'd just booked the first two nights accommodation - but I knew it had to be done. She tried to convince me that it would be alright and that it would just be the two of us - no phones or other distractions. I knew then I'd made the right decision. I was not going to be happy with going there and being a couple with her wanting exclusiveness. Despite no/very little physical contact it was clear that she still thought of me in that manner and that is unacceptible to me if she will not accept my relationship with kissycat1000. I would feel miserable and guilty and of course kissycat1000 would be hurting. So there it was.

She took it pretty well. She was quite rational but then started making threats and insulting kissycat1000 so I said I was putting the phone down. She called back later and was calmer. She does reiterate the threats from time to time and still wants to keep me as a friend I think. I will just give it time and see what happens. Time finally for things to change and move on.

I made the call while kissycat1000 was still there so we could talk about it. I told her to stay in the room as well so she could hear what was said. Well it seemed to work out and I'm glad I did 'cause I got the chance to talk to her afterwards and she knew exactly what was going on.

Of course this left Kerry without anyone to go to China with - so I suggested dylan, who posted about the subject. I think he's decided against it now unfortunately. We'll see.

Sunday afternoon I went around to my aunt Wendy's in Bristol. She lives with her lesbian partner Isobel. They asked about my weekend and so forth, so I opened right up to them and they were very supportive and understanding, which was great ;). Of course I did have a good feeling they would be, given their situation. They had nothing but encouragement and compliments which were rather embarrasing. I do love them both tho - they are so friendly, intelligent and good cooks *grin*. Shame they aren't too hot on their computer, which I came to fix for them.. I think the power supply's on the blink causing freezes etc. I turned the memory timing down incase that helped, and turned the autorecovery to every minute on Word instead of every ten.. so hopefully that'll do until they're able to get hold of Wendy's daughter's PC in July.

Got home and dylan didn't come over in the end. Never mind - I was tired and went to bed in the end.


Well the Orange Mall is now officially in closure. I have about two weeks left to help wrap it up then that's it.

The new project initiative I'm a part of, the rather pious sounding "Centre of Excellence", seems to be on a roll after a period of stagnation.. it now has funding for hardware and equipment, and people want me to write/present some technical courses.

I have also had a discussion with the new Business Programme Manager here in Bristol and he has a Technical Architecture project for me to do, which would include me managing a couple of testers - right up my street. I don't know how likely that is though. I've also found out I'd be in direct competition for that role with a colleague who is very touchy about her ability.

My performance review is Wednesday, I have two people coming from the CofE to meet with me tomorrow to discuss all these things.

So things are definitely on the up. I was afraid of the change to begin with but I'm really looking forwards to it. I might even get more pay somehow too.. woohoo! Apparently I officially have the worst skillset/pay ratio of anyone in the CofE. Tell me something I didn't know. I took my case to the HR boss a while ago but she basically threw me out and told me to stop being a little child. She is known to be like that, so I just started considering other companies. I've slowly let that be known. I'm the only person in Bristol with certain skills (in a technical company too) and have been saught out to fix problems on projects.

Wow.. I'm going to have to stop writing LJE's at work ;)


goddesssnoweh came in earlier tonight and gave me a hug for her being a crap friend. I was a little surprised but grateful. I will have to go out to the pub with them again soon.. erm... but I have 15 pounds left until I get paid.

I got my car window fixed today and was going to pay the guy in cash.. I'd checked online to see that I had 60 quid but when I went to draw it out I only had 15 left.. on my overdraft. Oops. So I paid him with the company visa card.. lol. It was an emergency :p.

I've figured out a temporary solution to the FTP problem sapping all the bandwidth. I'll just limit everyone to 1.5k/s per connection (they're allowed 2 connections each) so that means that only if there are 10 connections will we ever be totally leeched out but they can still get at a reasonable rate considering they're usually sharing with 3 other ppl.

Well this is a monster post and I'm fed up of writing it. I'm sure you're even more fed up of reading it. If you've got this far then well done :) It's about 20.5k of text... *grin*

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