Azekeil (azekeil) wrote,
Azekeil
azekeil

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Polyamoury

This post is about some things I've learned recently about polyamoury, from my perspective and from a general perspective.

First of all I've learned that there is not just one incarnation of polyamoury. There are lots of subtle shades of it according to each individual's own opinions and perceptions. This came up when differences in opinion on how open we should be about things we share with others. I was angry at first because I felt that I should listen and accept someone's opinion as someone with more experience and I felt like I didn't have a choice. Then I realised that actually I did have a choice and that someone's opinion is exactly that - an opinion. What works or doesn't work for someone might not be the same as for you.. or indeed for different relationships that you might have.

Having said that there are some common base 'rules' that must be established and adhered to because it is just too difficult and risky and people end up not knowing where they stand and feeling very insecure.

This had far reaching implications and enabled me to start agreeing on what is and is not acceptible in terms of behaviour, attitudes and sharing. Before I had assumed a 'one size fits all' mentality which was childish and impractical, and indeed caused problems.

What I also learned is that the way you deal with relationships with people is ultimately down to you and you alone. So even though advice may be saught and opinions given it is really down to the person involved to make the decision. In a supporting, caring and trusting relationship (the only sort of relationship worth having, or indeed worthy of yourself to have, IMO) others should respect your decision to deal with relationships in the manner you see best. You in turn have a responsibility to see that the base rules you have established are still being fulfilled and then that any other needs or wishes they have on top of that might be met too.

Having said all of that you can imagine it is not easy at all, but the more experience we all get the easier it (should) become.

And of course rewarding. Here's to the future :)
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