Azekeil (azekeil) wrote,
Azekeil
azekeil

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Thoughts

Well, I'm still definitely depressed. Disrupted sleeping patterns, inability to deal with problems that would not normally upset me, not feeling very sociable (as evident from my lack of livejournal entries).

One of the inability to deal with things episodes I had with kissycat1000 recently got me thinking. I know I'm quite different to 'normal' people, but I was able to quantify another way. I don't bother thinking about things that don't interest me, if I've deemed them unimportant. For example, I had been carrying my bits and pieces around in a white plastic Sainsbury's bag. You know, one of the crinkley ones. I knew in the back of my mind that a white crinkley Sainsbury's bag is not the height of fashion or even vaguely passable, but somehow I refused to care about it. It served its purpose of keeping my sh1t together and stopping it from getting wet, and that was about all I cared about. I was with it enough to stow it mostly out of sight at work as well.

When confronted with its unpleasentness and suggestions of a better bag to use were made I realised the reason I hadn't was.. well.. it Just Didn't Matter. To me, at least. Getting a better bag involved going shopping, which I detest, and spending money, which I detest doing even more, if its on things I don't really want. If I was going to go out to buy a bag I would not be satisfied until I had found the right bag for me, which would involve far more effort, time and thought and probably money than I was prepared to give the matter. So instead I simply refused to care about it.

Odd how my brain works isn't it?

Where is the line that normal people draw; where do they decide they don't like something enough to do something about it? Do they let things annoy them into doing something about it? I could understand if it was something I cared about, like the form of a computer program or sound of a hifi or something. Do other people simply refuse to care about something? I realise a few geeks think similarly; it's apparent in some of their decision making processes.

It's served a good purpose in my life. Indeed, some people find how I ignore some trivia refreshing. Sometimes those same people find it insanely irritating too. However I recognise that I've always gone through life ignoring the details for now, trying to get the big picture right and imagining I can fill in the details later. This has allowed me to prioritise effectively but it's hindered me from fully enjoying all of my life at present - I've simply refused to care about it.

Argh, enough waffle for now.
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