Azekeil (azekeil) wrote,
Azekeil
azekeil

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A mish-mash of things

Last night, we played Wii which involved vigorous pumping of the arms (!). This actually got my heart racing in such a way that it wouldn't settle, and the horror movie we watched afterwards didn't help much either. It took me what felt like an hour to actually get to sleep.

What didn't help much either was that T decided to start coughing at some point early in the morning - ceaselessly - until it was time to get up. I commented to a co-worker who has recently had a small child about this, and he mentioned that his baby woke up at 3am for an hour or so. I said that children keeping you up at night never really goes away, just gets less as they get older... (although boy I bet those are famous last words)

Something occurred to me the other day that irked me. Autism as we know is, in a very simple definition, a mechanism that makes people less socially aware than 'normal' people. Ever since something clicked at age 7 that I couldn't just go around hitting people when they didn't do what I want (my brain didn't make the connection that they were people, thinking and feeling, just as I was), I've been playing emotional catch-up. So when I was a teenager I had an emotional age of about an 8-10 year old or so. Due to various circumstances I repressed my adolescence until I was free to express it as I felt I was able to - which was my first year at university. Of course, this didn't make me especially popular. About age 21 I finally discovered my adult 'self', and have been maturing gently ever since (some a lot of you may scoff at that *grin*).

But it does make me feel like autism (or the mild version I have) cheated me out of my adolescence. And now I feel like I won't ever be able to regain that, which saddens me. I guess I need to deal with that and move on.

I should probably add though that the extra experience and intelligence I got due to delaying my adolescence probably kept me out of serious trouble.

Lastly, we're going through a bit of a period of re-adjustment, which is proving rough on everyone, I think it's fair to say. I at least made my first positive steps: I made my own sandwiches to take into work today. I have a feeling I know where my badminton racquet is, and some people more than willing to join me in getting some exercise.
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