Azekeil (azekeil) wrote,
Azekeil
azekeil

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Sometimes you only realise when you stop..

Sorry I didn't get to the Emergency Judder last night. I would have liked to celebrate too, but I was far too broken at the end of a long and stressful day. The last thing I want to do now is get so run down I get tonsilitus, miss my operation and end up having to go for my operation at the start of my new job... so it was Mr. Sensible for me last night.

I have to say, even in amongst the tiredness and hecticness I re-found what I'd been missing these last few months that I didn't even realise (properly) that I'd been missing. The stress of deciding on leaving and securing the jobs had been my sole focus (with breaks for socialising which I'm sure I'd have gone mad without) for far too long and I didn't realise how much it was taking out of me.

I don't think it's just stopping, either, but the promise of new and exciting work, with colleagues who might actually understand what I'm on about more often than not, with challenges and potential abound that has really allowed me to relax again.

Last night kissycat1000 was able to spend a little bit of time pampering me and I felt wanted, worth something and proud of myself, for the first time in a long time. She too was obviously proud of me as well, and I think that helped. A lot of the joy that should have been there all these past months is back, and hopefully here to stay. I'm sorry, sweetie, that I have been so stressed and unconsolable during this time.

I think I was stuck in a comfortable rut at Intercall, but it was still a rut nonetheless. I didn't feel challenged. There was nowhere for me to go. Ultimately that, combined with the certain knowledge I knew I wasn't being paid what I was worth was enough to make me look elsewhere.

Today has been cathartic, talking to colleagues about my reasons for leaving, including speaking to HR about a job advert for my replacement.

I'm very glad (and smug) that Helen used the words "He's a guru - he'll be very hard to replace" when speaking to HR about me. Also that she was asking me exactly how much I wanted to be paid to stay.

Anyway, time to get on with stuff.
Tags: jobs, whimsical
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